Sunday, 9 February 2020

589 My Ex-Girlfriend and the Beanstalk

My ex-girlfriend squatted and took a dump on my front lawn while giving me the finger before passing out drunkenly. I turned away from the window and decided to leave her there until she got bored and went home. When I woke in the morning my lawn was no longer a lawn, but a dense forest.

I went outside and it was overgrown flora all around. "What the heck did she eat?" I thought to myself. I then heard some birds that sounded like they were from an exotic faraway country.

I looked around for some semblance of my garden, even my neighbourhood but everything looked so different. Then I saw two giant pigtails hang down around me. I looked up and I saw two giant blue eyes looking down at me. "Hello!" said a big friendly voice.

The giantess smiled and put her hands around me. "Hey cutie! How did you wind up here in the clouds?"

I was freaked out but I calmly told her what happened.

"Ah yes... " she said. "Usually, ex-girlfriends ARE good fertiliser. What she did was make a huge beanstalk grow under your house and now you're here in the clouds, in giant land! Wanna stay a while? I think you're really cute..."

I thought about it for a moment. Breaking up with my girlfriend really did open the way forward for me. I said yes to the giantess and she kissed me with joy, holding me gently.

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